sung to the tune of I'm your man

If you want a cooler
I'll cool anything you ask me too
And if you want another kind of cool
I'll oscillate for you
And If you want a breeze just buy a fan
And If you want to be environmental
Here I stand
I'm your fan

And if you want to chill
I will step into the ring for you
And if you lie still
I'll blow wind on every inch of you
And if you want to blow hot air outside
then just turn me on my side
You know you can
Cause I'm your fan

Ah the rooms too hot
your clothes too tight
The beast won't go to sleep

An Unforgivable Name discusses the discovery that Adolph Hitlers nephew emigrated to the United States and tried to change his name and eschew all ties to his infamous relative. Now William Hitler's three son's have vowed never to procreate and thus let the family name die with them.

I am not so into reading the actual articles, but this comment made me choke on a piece of cameo apple.

I wonder why it took so long for this to happen. What with the interwebs being the pejorative "safe haven" for all sorts of crumb-bums, weirdos, sociopaths and lonelys. I guess it was one of those 'it was so obvious no-one thought of it before' issues? Or this one just has better design - anyways.

I am Neurotic

Yep, now any small habit you have that you think (or out and out know) would put you on the wacky side of wild n' you can describe here, and submit it to a rating system! What better help for one of nervous temperament than knowing the other people think their nervous tick is lame ? Also comments = awesome! Hells yes do I want to know that 12 other people in the world turn around and check the bowl everytime they go potty.

I am at Jane (my cancer stricken, eyebrow-free, nauseous as hell friend's) house keeping her company and getting some work done. Here's how Jane views my selfless dedication both to her and my professional development.

Jane: "It's 3:30pm, you've gone to the gym, gone shopping, eaten sushi, and broken your phone. It's like ab-fab. You're a workaholic."

Miriam: "Shut-up..."

Jane: "I'm just jealous because you have a job."

Miriam: " I don't have a job! I have an RFP where they spelled my name Miriam Verbug"

Via Shameless and Feministing come these hi-fuck you target marketing-larious videos called "Target Women" by Sarah Haskins. There wasn't much on the goog (what? no wikipedia page??) about SH unless she is a Professional American Multisport (swim, bike, run) Triathlete and member of the ITU USA Triathlon team, as well as a satirical genius.

In any case, the sporty sarah's mantra Think Do Achieve applies just as well to having a hate-on for the wedding tv industry. Speaking of which, guess who got rollerblades for 10 dollars yesterday?? Guess who's going out to break her wrists once she finishes this yogurt coated granola. Why rollerblading? So that I have a perkier butt..

{{sigh}} The best thing about hating women-targeted marketing, is that when you are me, so much of it does seem to apply.... I have been having lots of marriage related thoughts lately, but I have an excuse... don't I?

The videos:

Wedding Shows

Best line: "Hi there it looks like I am reading the paper and thinking about current events. Nope, I am thinking about weddings!" Okay and of course, I am in agreement with Sarah on her hatred of the TV wedding, but as I pointed out in a previous post, I love the REAL DEAL with my awesome little brother and my awesome sister in law. I do hate the unmarried women are all "brides to be" schtick.

Yogurt the Official Food of Women:

The saddest part of the yogurt one is that the bisexual girl from the LWord is one of the fem-bots. Best line: "it's substitute for real human experience good!"

Alrighty now that I have had all the probiotics I think I need today, time to go out there and rock some kilojoules...

Update

Woah - rollerblading is hard. But I did not break my wrists, though my ankles and my inner ears (weird) are a little ow-ie at the moment.

Metafilter just posted thist site called Favrd a site that aggregates 'favorited' twittrs, but not the ones that are sales pitches(how does the machine know the difference??).

I never understood what the big deal was about twittr but I like this site.

some good lines:

"Dungeons and Dragons should really be called Mom's Basement and Tang."

"FAKE OR REAL INDIFFERENCE IS A POWERFUL PERSONAL WEAPON"

"Till 5 seconds ago, I thought it was "no holes barred" not "no holds barred." Damn."

I have been feeling kind of weird lately, kinda feeling like my life is a ball of twine that I dropped a few months ago and I've been trying to roll it all back into something comprehensible since then. But enough about me, let's talk about ManBabies.

When things are a bit screwy it's nice to know that someone out there has invented the ManBaby, like a LolCatz picture only for the seriously fucked up (and bored at work). The idea? Take a picture of a man holding or interacting with a baby and switch the heads around. That's right, fearsome and funny like you wouldn't believe.

Also and pleasantly, these images give me the feeling that even if I haven't opened an official looking envelope in about 5 months, and even though I keep saying I have work to do and then going to the gym for about 2.5 hours to sing gay dance songs under my breath and pretend jumping to the bass-beat = mastery of life's challenges. Despite my own ineptitude, there are people out there Photoshopping men's heads onto babies bodies! SO in fact I am doing okay.

Anyways, check it out...

These are my favorites:

When all else fails, stare at some ManBabies.

I was just searching the McGill classifieds for a used flat-screen monitor when I came across this post:

NEW APPLE IPHONE AND IPOD TOUCH, NEW BLACKBERRY, NEW VERSACE PURSE
Posted Friday, May 2, 2008
My brothers gave me an apple iphone, apple ipod touch, a blackberry and a versace purse along w some other stuff, but i already have an iphone, don't need the blackberry and i have too many versace purses already!......they are all brand new in their box/wraps.....want to sell them.....make me an offer......

Don't you hate when that happens?? The other day my brothers gave me a portable DVD player, a pair of D&G sunglasses and a wallet full of credit cards. But I already have those! So I am selling them to the public at rock-bottom prices. Thanks Bros' next time just get me a Chapters gift certificate okay?

I was just leaving a comment about Steven's insanely accurate new rating system:

Yeah I know - move over stars here comes Steven and his taffy apple.

I have been reading this book called the "Fireside Book of Dog Stories" (more on that in a separate post later) that was compiled in 1942 or 52, it must have been 52 no-one was compiling fireside books during the war.

Anyways, two or three of the stories in that book are by James Thurber and E.B White.

Anglophone young'uns will recognize the second author. He wrote Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little and the Trumpet of the Swan, among other classic stories. Thurber is known for his cartooning and humour writing in the New Yorker.

I have such a profound admiration for these two writers. They are witty and critical, and what's surprising to a reader of contemporary satire, they are not profoundly negative.

So today, as a reward for buying a piece of clothing that causes me to sing Otto Titsling under my breath involuntarily, I treated myself to some books at the Westmount Library book sale. At the book sale, (and this is why book sales are fun, because you find the weirdest stuff) I found a little book called "Is Sex Necessary" written by none other then my two men of the hour J Thurber and E.B White, in 1929 no less.